Heart strings

It's 2 months later and I have in no way shape or form, forgotten about Port Au Prince. I am at a wonderful, wonderful place in my life right now. And I am definitely thanking God for allowing me to be experiencing and enjoying this moment. Peace of mind, joy, motivation, endless ambition, confidence , courage and happiness are priceless. I can truly say, I feel as if I am "high" off of life. I am currently enrolled in an African American Leadership program at my alma mater, Cardinal Strtich. This program is the best thing that could of happen to me. It's all about timing. This is a perfect time for me to be at the platform and begin to prepare myself to go to that next level, God willing. It's a feeling I've never experienced before and I am enjoying every minute of it.

What has driven me to blog tonight was that I was watching Black Girls Rock on BET. They were a highlight of an young black girl that created and organic black hair product, at the ripe old age of 11 years old, with the aid of her grandmother. Within the 1st year of sales she grossed $100,000. She chose to take that money and give back. She started a foundation to serve the underprivileged children of Haiti. I was brought to tears. My mind and my heart went back to Haiti. All that I saw. All that I did. All that I couldn't do. All that yet needs to be done. Haiti is not forgotten. Not one bit. I left part of my heart in Haiti. My heart strings have been pulled as I find happiness and joy in knowing that there are others in the African American community that want to give back and that are giving back. I now know and truly believe that this is my passion. My mission in life. I am here to serve those whom can not so for themselves. I am here to help the poor and forgotten. That is my passion. And my prayer is that God places individuals in my life whom share that very same passion. Amen
Port Au Prince, I will be back.

Haiti history lesson

http://video.pbs.org/video/1877436791

3 weeks post Haiti...Back to life

The first two weeks were ROUGH, I will definitely admit to that!!!
I am so happy to report that my soul & spirit has been mended! I feel so much better emotionally. It is true that time heals all wounds. I have had so many opportunities to share what good was done in Haiti, in this sharing of the good (not the sadness) I have found meaning and purpose & understanding. I've found satisfaction in knowing that I did all that I could and gave the best nursing care, that I was skilled to do. I know I touched many lives. God has smiled at me.

So what have been doing otherwise you ask? I have channeled and re focused a lot of that energy back into my marathon training. Yes I said marathon! I'm running my 3rd 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles) in less than 30 days. I put a portion of my training on hold for Haiti. Now I am trying to out it all back together again. It's true what they say, "once you learn how to ride a bike, or ski, or run long distance, it all just comes back to you."  I am so looking forward to crossing that finish line, again. It's a feeling like non other. You must try it one day....soon:) So if you want to support me, feel free to visit my site to offer your financial blessings to help find a cure for leukemia, lymphoma & Hodgkin s & non Hodgkin s lymphoma.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/wi/nikesf11/lhines

A sure sign that I have recovered is that I am looking into missions that offer specific HIV/AIDS care. I'm thinking I'll embark on another mission trip sometime in the summer/fall of 2012. I feel like I left part of my heart in Haiti. Specifically with those in dire need, whom don't have access to resources that we have here in America. I know I'll go back. Soon, sooner than later, I know.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single talent left, and could say "I used everything you gave me." Erma Bomback

Sunday and I made sure I was in his house.....

I woke up this morning, so ready to go to church. I stood at my closet door and went from the front to the back of the closet at least 3 times, looking for something to wear to church. Needless to say I found something to wear and I was at church early, I even sat a few pews closer than normal.

I need a healing, emotional/spiritual healing. I need God to help me get through this......

I just felt as if I needed to be in his presence and receive whatever he had in store for me. Service was awesome. I tell you my cup surely did run over as I began to count my blessings, the tears were nonstop. They were tears of joy, thanks, love, appreciation, humility. But more so than not, I was so thankful to be able to be in church one more time. I was thankful that God woke me up this morning. I was thankful that I can use my hands and my feet. That I can see, that I can.......

I began to think of the people in Haiti. I began to think of my patients. I thought about the many of people who came to the gate for care, but had to be turned away. For some we were the means of last resort for care. Some patients had been to the other local hospitals and had been turned away as well. But I began to realize how thankful & blessed we are as Americans. We need to thank God daily, hourly for what we have!!

So needless I cried through the first half of the service, my emotions were high. But I was happy, so happy to be in the house of God. Giving him praise and worship. It's personal for those of you who don't understand.

Words of Relection

A dear friend of mines, felt so compelled after reading this blog, that she wrote this poem for me.
Thank you Lou:)

The Journey

Before THE EXPERIENCE……I just wanted to help

Fear of the unknown and increased anxiety marked my steps

Reality set in upon return to the States

I almost didn’t want to leave my new beginning….but missing the feeling of being safe

27 turned into 11 and the journey begins

A nurse midwife from the Bronx was one of my 11 new friends

Emotion can be shared with strangers….depending on the journey

With obvious American confidence the real vision of Haiti-REQUIRES COMPLETE HUMILITY

STARTING to FEEL SYMPATHY

Anticipation, Anxiety and Fear

And the movie begins….no script….just the lonely spirit to give

YOU ARE WHERE YOU ROCK-YOUR ELEMENTAL NATURE

Allowing God to use you for no capital gain or stature

Immersed immediately into the unknown alone, but with many

Food for the soul keeps the foundation nourished, but prayer keeps the idle mind

Sharing with the universe…..thoughts……but still sharing your gain

So much death and pain….

Prayer is needed to increase energy in life

REALITY: I want to go home where happiness lives

I talked to him from Haiti….God and Mr. Bly

Grandpa is my security blanket, I will miss him…….his will power and drive

But more have died….Lord please let me into Heaven…….please see me give

Happiness lives in your heart and you were in God’s arms …………just another one of His kids

Humility now lives there too as you watched God use people like you

God’s design is divine

Not just in Haiti, but America too…..all the people who sat back and watched Him use you

You’ve given life, hope and inspiration to many

In death….life is created….I felt like I knew the people, I watched their movie through your heart.

 

Love Crystal

God has given you the blueprint to handle any storm! Thank you for SHARING

Where's Port Au Prince, Haiti????

http://maps.google.com/maps?q=port+au+prince&hl=en&ll=18.479609,-72.333984&spn=36.44962,86.572266&z=4&vpsrc=6

Friday morning destress.....

Good morning
It's Friday am. I've been home now for 4 days. I can honestly say that I have self diagnosed myself with a mild form of PTSD.
I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm having flashback/ memories of sweating profusely for the majority of my 12 hour shift.  I'll remind you that it was 90+ degrees daily with very little air conditioning. The power would go out at least three to four times a day, and the back up generator would only give power to the ventilators in ICU.

So when I was sleeping the 1st night back, I woke up in a sweat & slight delirium. I couldn't shake  it  fast enough but I thought I was back in Haiti. It was so weird.

Saturday night back in Miami, went to dinner @ Baires bar & grill with Deb, one of my peers from Long Beach, we went all out on our first meal back in the states. $100 later....

Yummy, yummy,  a pitcher of red sangria, half of a boneless chicken breast  with creamed spinach, argyle salad for myself & Deb got 10oz skirt steak with broccoli & salad as well. Wow! A meal for queens. It was delish!!! But of course we couldn't eat it all, nor shall we dare throw it away. We boxed it up & gave it to the 1st homeless person in passing on Lincoln Road. You do not throw away any food after being in Haiti. All of our leftover meals were given either to the patients or to their families. Food was very scarce in PAP.

So needless to say when Brooke & I went to dinner Monday night. Her lasagna got boxes up & taken with her the next day for lunch. I gave her the lecture about not wasting food because in Haiti food is hard to come by.

This maybe TMI but the are not sewer systems where we were staying, so we could not flush toilet paper down the toilet. Lol, so when I used the bathroom on the plane, i watched the tissue go down the drain, and thought oh no, the bathrooms going to flood:) SmH!

I'm rambling I know, but thats what a blog is for!!

I really do feel as if I have been going through a healing process. After working in extreme conditions with very limited resources, I find it challenging to reacclimate  myself to my normal way of life. I'm struggling with insomnia & emotions of sadness @ times. I miss my happy:) I feel like I should be able to rebound back better/ faster than whats been taking place. I know to allow myself time to heal & regroup. I feel vulnerable emotionally. I feel like I've been knocked off my rocker. And i don't like it!!!

So tonights the big night. I'm excited:) its my welcome back party, that my girlfriends are throwing for me!!! Drinks , good, and all the stories they want to hear about Haiti. I would like to fore warn them that is sad. And I hope I don't have a meltdown, but I'm thinking if I do it's ok.

I've been sharing here & there this week, which I think has been good debriefing for me. But I find my strength and sanity in my peers that traveled with me. It's like there the only ones who can truly understand how I feel. I thank God for them. Talking with them is good debriefing. Even thinking of them and how much we all meant to each other for the week, brings tears to my eyes. It was like meeting complete strangers for the 1st time & then realizing these people were going to be my/ours lifeline for a week. We all shared a common bond/ interest. We wanted to give & help in whatever way that was needed. "I am here, use me"

So with that said, yes I an full if emotions!!! Yes I have been avoiding talking to people this week, because it's been hard to relive my experience, I find myself choking up depending on what story I'm telling. But it's all good! I'm hoping you all find insight, inspiration, and encouragement through my words via this blog.

Lastly it brings a smile to my face & brightens my day to read the words of encouragement on face book, via texts & over the phone, from various family members & friends. thanks again for the continual support.




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