Friday morning destress.....

Good morning
It's Friday am. I've been home now for 4 days. I can honestly say that I have self diagnosed myself with a mild form of PTSD.
I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm having flashback/ memories of sweating profusely for the majority of my 12 hour shift.  I'll remind you that it was 90+ degrees daily with very little air conditioning. The power would go out at least three to four times a day, and the back up generator would only give power to the ventilators in ICU.

So when I was sleeping the 1st night back, I woke up in a sweat & slight delirium. I couldn't shake  it  fast enough but I thought I was back in Haiti. It was so weird.

Saturday night back in Miami, went to dinner @ Baires bar & grill with Deb, one of my peers from Long Beach, we went all out on our first meal back in the states. $100 later....

Yummy, yummy,  a pitcher of red sangria, half of a boneless chicken breast  with creamed spinach, argyle salad for myself & Deb got 10oz skirt steak with broccoli & salad as well. Wow! A meal for queens. It was delish!!! But of course we couldn't eat it all, nor shall we dare throw it away. We boxed it up & gave it to the 1st homeless person in passing on Lincoln Road. You do not throw away any food after being in Haiti. All of our leftover meals were given either to the patients or to their families. Food was very scarce in PAP.

So needless to say when Brooke & I went to dinner Monday night. Her lasagna got boxes up & taken with her the next day for lunch. I gave her the lecture about not wasting food because in Haiti food is hard to come by.

This maybe TMI but the are not sewer systems where we were staying, so we could not flush toilet paper down the toilet. Lol, so when I used the bathroom on the plane, i watched the tissue go down the drain, and thought oh no, the bathrooms going to flood:) SmH!

I'm rambling I know, but thats what a blog is for!!

I really do feel as if I have been going through a healing process. After working in extreme conditions with very limited resources, I find it challenging to reacclimate  myself to my normal way of life. I'm struggling with insomnia & emotions of sadness @ times. I miss my happy:) I feel like I should be able to rebound back better/ faster than whats been taking place. I know to allow myself time to heal & regroup. I feel vulnerable emotionally. I feel like I've been knocked off my rocker. And i don't like it!!!

So tonights the big night. I'm excited:) its my welcome back party, that my girlfriends are throwing for me!!! Drinks , good, and all the stories they want to hear about Haiti. I would like to fore warn them that is sad. And I hope I don't have a meltdown, but I'm thinking if I do it's ok.

I've been sharing here & there this week, which I think has been good debriefing for me. But I find my strength and sanity in my peers that traveled with me. It's like there the only ones who can truly understand how I feel. I thank God for them. Talking with them is good debriefing. Even thinking of them and how much we all meant to each other for the week, brings tears to my eyes. It was like meeting complete strangers for the 1st time & then realizing these people were going to be my/ours lifeline for a week. We all shared a common bond/ interest. We wanted to give & help in whatever way that was needed. "I am here, use me"

So with that said, yes I an full if emotions!!! Yes I have been avoiding talking to people this week, because it's been hard to relive my experience, I find myself choking up depending on what story I'm telling. But it's all good! I'm hoping you all find insight, inspiration, and encouragement through my words via this blog.

Lastly it brings a smile to my face & brightens my day to read the words of encouragement on face book, via texts & over the phone, from various family members & friends. thanks again for the continual support.




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